If you think reading is for chumps check out the video review here http://youtu.be/Kt5kyyIsB2E

The fifteen years spent in development for this titanic super game is about to be put to the test. When the opening starts up as duke rolls the dice we get and embarrassingly long dice  roll showing us all the poor sods who were involved in development.

The games slow start is a nice change from the typical shooter and after some quick gun fights, pressing square a million times and a brief turret section I was eased into the experience. Most of the guns are solid except for the alien weaponry which is not fun to use. The first person platforming was a bit fun to begin with but it quickly wears out its welcome.

Duke nukem forever looks bad really bad the animation and lip synching is bad the characters look bad, the enemies look bad most of it is a an eyesore. The environments look drab. The Las Vegas we saw in the 2001 trailer looked better than this, take a look. When a game has load times that exceed one minute you’d expect it to load the game but no all the textures pop in once the game has finished loading.

The game is quite long and will take the average player around nine hours to rush through which is nice considering the average length of a modern game.

The story is not very good and there’s not enough story reinforcement to remind what you’re fighting for and why you care. But really you don’t go to the beach to get sand kicked in your face and you don’t go to Glasgow to get your eyes gouged out. No you go there to build sandcastles and purchase heroin. You go to duke nukem for the jokes and the one liners. Even though some lines and gags can be funny most of it is over juvenile humour. Speaking of one liners duke doesn’t really talk in anything else but one liners when talking to other characters which makes him bland as hell. Maybe he’s mentally handicapped.

Duke’s voice is great except for his grunt, you see duke has to jump a lot and when he jumps he makes the most annoying grunt. I did have an awesome feeling when the theme music sounded as a found duke pissing in a urinal.

Another thing to mention is the extremely long load times i mean you’ll be looking at a lot of this. During your play through of duke nukem forever. Plus the textures still pop in after a minute of loading.

Duke nukem forever is a disappointment, anyway you slice it. I mean what game could live up to 15 years of anticipation except ratchet & clank: a crack in time 2. Make it happen sony. But what is even more disappointing is that DNF had so much potential and if it had been handled by an actual developer rather than a pack of howler monkeys flinging their poo it ended up with.